I got my first beta drawn Tuesday and it was 128. I feel good about that number because mine were always lower than that. I do realize it is still kind of a low beta. I am waiting all day now to hear back on my repeat draw today. I am praying every minute of the day for a healthy growing baby in there.

DOUBLE DOUBLE DOUBLE DOUBLE!!!!!!

I have had a metallic taste in the mornings the last couple days and some growing round ligament pain and pain in the breasts but more of a shooting pain not a soreness.

I am eating healthy getting plenty of water in, and resting when I can. I am on 200 mg progesterone suppository per day. I am doing everything I possibly can to sustain this baby. This is pregnancy number 5...I am hoping it is baby number 2.

Digital

I have been pregnant three times since Jack was born in 2011. They were natural conceptions and the last two ended in early miscarriage. Now we know we need progesterone suppositories right away to help sustain pregnancy. The scary thing is, I have not carried a pregnancy to term ever. Jack's water broke at 30 weeks and every other pregnancy has ended before 8 weeks. I am unsure if it is just needed progesterone or if their are other deficiencies that put my babies at risk.

 As soon as I get good hcg numbers back I will make a high risk appointment to see if their is anything I can do to stay pregnant to term. I am avoiding caffeine, eating as healthy as possible, getting lots of water in every day and napping when I need to. That being said I am a mom of a three and a half year old and in school full time for nursing. I am slacking on my studies this weekend out of sheer distraction and exhaustion, which seems to be my only symptom so far. Not being nauseous or having sore boobs makes me nervous. I am trying to trust and believe in my body and God's hand in my life. 

The milestone of the day was getting a positive digital test. I took a cheapie test Friday and

it was positive. I naturally (haha) went out to get another stick to pee on...digital test and it was negative. I comforted myself with the fact that the cheapie reads 25mui and the digital reads 50mui.  Saturday the cheapie test was darker yay!!!!!!! Today I took the other digital and it was....positive!!!!!!! I am finding comfort that my levels must have doubled in 24 hr for it to now be positive. I get blood drawn tomorrow and Thursday to watch levels. 

I am so excited at the thought that my son may actually have a sibling to grow up alongside. I am so happy I may be able to experience this all over again. I am excited for birth and baby kicks and breastfeeding and newborn noises and smells. All of this excitement makes me so anxious and nervous to lose the baby. I am trying to be zen with those feelings and not let stress sit in my body. let the thoughts come and then pass. 

Pregnant

I did the 21 day fix in April. I lost ten pounds and lots of inches. I had been on Birth control for a few months. I was accepted into the nursing program at my school and getting ready to start clinical this spring. I haven't been as dedicated this past month and I missed the first pills of my bc pack so I didn't take it. I took a test this morning and I am pregnant.

I cannot believe after years of trying and 4 miscarriages and a premature birth I would get pregnant from missing a few pills. Ironic I suppose. It just proves that God's timing is not my own. That being said I am nothing but grateful.....and terrified.

I started my progesterone today. I am hoping to get two HCG quants next week. As long as those are normal I want to then just be trusting and not do anymore. Just the normal dating ultrasound and biophysical profile.

I pray I make it that far.

The Dream

I just lost my fourth pregnancy 37 days ago. It was a surprise after a 200 day streak without a period. It ended within a few days of finding out. Since then I have been eating strict paleo for 3 weeks now. I have been taking a cross fit class on Saturdays and working out in between. I have lost twelve pounds and on day 37 of my cycle today I started my period. So I would say things are looking up.

I have an appointment with an endocrinologist in August to check my levels and address the Recurrent Pregnancy Loss.

I had a dream three nights ago that I was in labor and long story short I was standing as the baby was crowning. Jason chickened out when the midwife mentioned catching the baby so I reached down and as the baby came out I grabbed under his armpits and pulled this perfect vernix covered chubby full term boy from my body and cradled him. I looked into his big round eyes and said "oh Miles, I love you".

It felt more like a promise than a dream... Like I was meeting my baby for the first time. I don't know if it was about a future baby or the baby I lost. But I am excited to find out.

Bulletpoints

There is too much to update properly so I think I will catch everyone up with bullet points then I can get back to blogging normally.
~I just finished my first year back in college with a 3.85 GPA and have been awarded two scholarships.
~I will be applying to their nursing program in January.
~I am considering Frontier for my masters in Midwifery.
~I am now the proud mother of a two and a half year old funny man.
~I am just completing my fourth miscarriage, second since having my son.
~I suffer from RPL and PCOS that I know of but will be pursuing further testing soon.
~I am in the process of completing my Stillbirthday Doula certification. Check out Stillbirthday.com if you are interested in walking alongside families in birth with any outcome.
~I am about to start my second year of school and try Paleo lifestyle and Cross-fit.

There it is in a nutshell. I will be sharing the stories of all that my crazy life holds as it unfolds. Stay Tuned...

Hodge Podge

It seems as if my posts are all an "update" or hodge podge of things going on in my life. Sorry for that. I wish I was a better blogger for you all.

I had a shorter cycle last month with my acupuncture treatments 39 days!! Here is to small victories!!
I have been temping and charting with fertility friend again this cycle to see if I can notice other positive cycle changes. With doing that I saw a clear thermal shift into luteal phase this time that went along with CM changes and cramping i had. I am pretty sure I ovulated!!
I had a fabulous acupuncture session yesterday night. This morning I woke up and was SO DIZZY. Vertigo dizzy with nausea.... I am not sure if anyone out there has experienced that after a good acu session? The only other times I have felt this way were every time I have implanted and ended up preggers. But the dates and timing having charted don't make sense with implantation.  The dizziness and nausea are subsiding as long as I keep eating when I wait too long it comes back full force.

School starts next week. I have taken 3 classes. I am organized and ready to go. I am just waiting for a refund check to get my computer. My computer is 10 years old and needs a serious update to have everything I will need for school. So I am replacing it :)

Looking forward to this new (and crazy busy) Chapter in my life.

One Year Anniversary

Tomorrow August 5th ...The one year anniversary of my third miscarriage.  I know in my heart this baby was a girl.  I have not named her but I will ask her her name when I meet her in heaven.

I have not thought a lot about her every day. I see butterflies or dandelions and my babies cross my mind I get a sad feeling and remember my hopes for them here on earth.

When I think about this baby I feel sad that she would have been days apart from my best friend delivering my God Daughter Amelia. They would have been babies together...Crib mates...Best Friends just like her and I. I can see them both running around my yard if I close my eyes. It is rather fitting that I get to spend the day with Amelia tomorrow. It will be cathartic to hold her when my arms are aching for the baby I lost.

I am releasing balloons with a message on it for her tomorrow night. Sending up my love into heaven. Hoping my words find their way to my baby's heart.