One month Crossfit results

I absolutely love to hate this crossfit workout! I dread it, almost die during it and then feel amazing and on top of the world after it. Month one had huge results. I lost 31 inches and 10 pounds this month.

Weight loss Update

UPDATE:I started cross fit 3 weeks ago which was a big step out of my comfort zone.  I also started counting macros instead of solely focusing on calorie intake. I have lost 9 lb and 31 inches
since starting cross fit and macros which brings me to a total of  39 lb and a whole lot of inches haha.

Getting ME back

It has been a long road of infertility and loss, 8 years- 2 diagnoses, One 5 year old and 5 angel babies later and I need to pour into me. I was 140 pounds in 2008 and now a whopping 268 lb. I have gained 128 pounds on this roller coaster and I want to give it all back. The anxiety, grief, worry, and weight. The pounds are representative to the burden I have carried and the guilt and shame related to having your body not work for you and not carry your babies safely. 

Everything that has happened along life's journey led me to nursing. I am 5 months away from my BSN and I want to represent what I stand for as a nurse, HEALTH. So here I stand as I have many times before ready to make a change. It is a difficult struggle with food and emotions for me but I believe I am really ready now. 

I have started by trying to drink a gallon of water daily, get in 10,000 steps daily, and at least 5/7 days an additional workout. This next thirty days that workout is CIZE also weight lifting at Orange Circuit. 

I am drinking shakeology daily. I have started back on Junel (birth control) to regulate my PCOS hormones. I am taking a daily prenatal and drinking apple cider vinegar and raw honey in warm water each morning to detox. Obviously the biggest part and the hardest part is the clean eating. I will be trying to stick to a 80% clean diet. 

I am going to step out of my comfort zone by being transparent with my weight and by adding in progress photos monthly. Here we go!

This was taken Day 1. I am currently on day 3 and have almost hit the 10,000 step goal and got my CIZE workout in on day 1 and day 2! I am working at my goals today currently. I cannot wait to see results! I will do this for me!

The Dream

I just lost my fourth pregnancy 37 days ago. It was a surprise after a 200 day streak without a period. It ended within a few days of finding out. Since then I have been eating strict paleo for 3 weeks now. I have been taking a cross fit class on Saturdays and working out in between. I have lost twelve pounds and on day 37 of my cycle today I started my period. So I would say things are looking up.

I have an appointment with an endocrinologist in August to check my levels and address the Recurrent Pregnancy Loss.

I had a dream three nights ago that I was in labor and long story short I was standing as the baby was crowning. Jason chickened out when the midwife mentioned catching the baby so I reached down and as the baby came out I grabbed under his armpits and pulled this perfect vernix covered chubby full term boy from my body and cradled him. I looked into his big round eyes and said "oh Miles, I love you".

It felt more like a promise than a dream... Like I was meeting my baby for the first time. I don't know if it was about a future baby or the baby I lost. But I am excited to find out.

Bulletpoints

There is too much to update properly so I think I will catch everyone up with bullet points then I can get back to blogging normally.
~I just finished my first year back in college with a 3.85 GPA and have been awarded two scholarships.
~I will be applying to their nursing program in January.
~I am considering Frontier for my masters in Midwifery.
~I am now the proud mother of a two and a half year old funny man.
~I am just completing my fourth miscarriage, second since having my son.
~I suffer from RPL and PCOS that I know of but will be pursuing further testing soon.
~I am in the process of completing my Stillbirthday Doula certification. Check out Stillbirthday.com if you are interested in walking alongside families in birth with any outcome.
~I am about to start my second year of school and try Paleo lifestyle and Cross-fit.

There it is in a nutshell. I will be sharing the stories of all that my crazy life holds as it unfolds. Stay Tuned...

Will they like me??

Hello out there Blogosphere!!!
I have been MIA for quite a while. I want to update everyone on the goings on in my life in case anyone is still reading.

I am still exercising, although some weeks not as much as I should.  I am trying to eat as clean as possible and feed my family as clean as possible. Tonight I made "Overnight Oatmeal" and will be trying it out tomorrow morning. I will be sure to let you know how it is. And if I love it I will post pictures and the recipe!  I kind of got off the C25K schedule and started just run/jog/walking which I am loving. I just bought a watch that counts calories burned, steps, HR and all that good stuff to hopefully keep me better accountable for my intake and output. I am setting fitness goals instead of weight goals now. I am hoping to avoid the discouragement I feel when I don't hit a certain number. PCOS is hard to overcome but I believe I can do it.
I am starting acupuncture on Tuesday to try and give me relaxation, and reverse my symptoms and regulate a cycle.  I will post how that goes.

I am loving mommy life. I am praying for patience every day with my beautiful gift of a toddler. Because he is a TODDLER! haha He climbs the walls but I just love him to pieces!  am a daycare provider and just attended a birthday party for one of my kiddos I have had since infancy and she turned three!!! It made me feel old and was emotional for me. I truly love what I do. I have always felt a calling toward children in my life in different capacities. Recently I have felt a very strong calling to become a midwife. So folks....I applied to nursing school. I am hoping to be accepted and begin school this fall. I want to get my RN then go to midwifery college and become a CNM. EEEK! I forgot how insecure you feel applying to college waiting to be accepted or rejected. Say a prayer for me that I would get into school to fulfill the calling I feel God has put on my heart if you would.

I hope all of you are well out there. I am still lurking on so many of your pages and will be starting to actively comment again soon I am starting to carve out some ME time and it feels refreshing.

Honesty

I am one of many people affected by PCOS. I am one of many women who struggle with infertility. I am one  half of too many marriages that have been saddened by losing their babies at any point in pregnancy.

And after all that and with all that said I blame my weight gain on all of that. PCOS is my GO TO excuse. And it very well may have been the reason for the initial gain. Now though I am educated on my condition and its failures and loopholes. I have yoyo dieted for a long time but not wrapped my brain or fully committed to a lifestyle change for health. I am now on board fully and intentionally. I am down 14 pounds and my confidence is growing. My body is changing. I started couch to 5k. I am signing up for a color me rad 5k in August. I have completed week one. Day one was hard. I was tired and out of breath. Day two my legs felt heavy but I wasn't out of breath. Day three I felt amazing. I was running for one of the sixty second intervals and I was Side Walk Cock Blocked by an older lady...ran out of her drive and right in my path and said GREAT DAY HUH? and i took an ear bud out to not be rude ( which apparently she didn't know) and she said its ok we wont melt right?! (it was sprinkling) and then loudly said OH WAIT WE WANT TO!! haha
Cue me running off! Have a good day .....in my dust....

And before I knew it I was thinking I have been running a while... and I hear the prompt on my podcast ( runningintohealth) say you may start your next 60 second run. So I kept running and I ran for 3.5 min by accident. But I was good. I enjoyed it I probably could have kept going. I am sticking to this plan though so I don't injure myself or get shin splints.

I am loving being honest with myself. And for some reason Running feels so honest.

I chose to start running because when I would start a new exercise plan or diet in the back of my mind or in my convo with people I would joke about not being a runner or never running I can't run. not even if someone is chasing me. And I needed to stop the negative self talk. The boundaries and blocks I put in my head are put in you not just mentally but also physically.

I can do anything I put my mind to. I can be a mom. I can live on for the babies I have lost and will see again some day. I can lose this weight. I can overcome the symptoms. I can RUN.

I am Woman, Christ follower, Wife, Mother, Daughter and Friend. I am me. And that is Good enough yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Pre-Juice Organization

Today we did the Pre-Juice Groceries. I think I was actually sweating at every stores check out. I am convinced I won't spend this much every time I go. I think it is just because I don't know exactly what i need for recipes and which ones I will and won't like so I bought just about every fruit or veggie I saw and also focused on ones that help with my PCOS symptoms lowering insulin resistance acne and inflammation.

Here is the Loot ...                                                

And a few photos of my new Juicing area ...My fridge is packed to the brim and I also have a little mini fridge in the basement with 4 or 5 things in it. I am ready to be healthy!! Tomorrow is Day 1!

We are officially starting our 60 day juice fasting cleanse!! My PCOS symptoms are at an all time high right now and I need to do something to heal my body...it looks like after the fast I am looking at a veganish rawish diet as my goal. I have done 2 days of research and am very very excited! At first it started as a way to kickoff the weight loss (which I am hoping it will do) but now it is more of a way to heal my body from the inside out and a bonus is the weight loss. In the  essence of honesty for others this blogging journey may help I will put it all out there...no judgement...please.

Symptoms I would like to reverse...

Acne

Back Pain

Abdominal bloating, pain, and general discomfort

ovarian cysts

Lack of Menses

Hormonal imbalance leading to moodiness and anxiety

Anovulation

Dry skin

Overweight

I am weighing in pre-fast tomorrow and taking photos which I am probably going to keep private which bothers me because when researching this the blogs i got the most from had photos. I am a very visual person and I want to share them for that reason but I know too many people in real life that follow my blog. 

If at the end I look like Barbie I might share them :) haha. 

My goal is to juice 100% because when i am given an inch in a diet i take a mile...of junk food...so to avoid that I am going to try to go 100%. I am a bit worried about the insulin resistance and glucose levels with the fruit juices so I may add seeds for protein or chicken. we will see.

My husband is "going to do it with me as long as he can" So we will see how that goes haha.

I am also excited to share some juice with my Jack man because of the healing properties...and I may try to cook/bake with the pulp for the daycare kiddos for health purposes and to not be so wasteful. 

Things I am concerned about are cravings...and temptation with cooking for the kids all day. I am worried I wont make time for my exerscise I want to do everyday. I am nervous Jason will quit and I won't have that much needed support. 

All of my excitement WAAAYYY outways all the concerns. So heeerreee weee gooooo!!!!

Failure

I had my gestational diabetes test today and failed. They don't like it over 130 and i was 151. Boooooo. I don't know if this is super high or what but I had an empty stomach when I took it so she seemed surprised and the number. Now I have to schedule my 3 hr and I want to pass and not have GD so badly. I have been crying for a while.

I hate to have a pity party for 2 seconds but... why can't I just enjoy this like everyone else. I don't want to have extra risks or diets.

pity party over. Anyone fail one hour with these numbers and pass 3 hr??? What did you do to increase your chances of passing the second time around?

Bad day

I had a terrible day today. I started it off angry and hurt. Then at work it felt like nothing was going right or easy. And as I was walking out to the parking lot I realized I parked in a closer spot and had to turn around and walk all the way back. Crying at this point. So I call my husband and vent and realize the meds are finally getting to me. I had such an anxiety, anxiousness feeling about me today. I didn't think that Lupron alone could make me a crazy person. But a hormone is a hormone and with PCOS I have a lack of those all my life so pumping them into me makes me crazier than anything. I feel like jumping out of my skin. Then I got out of work just to come home and work my second job (part time sewing for a company) when it was so so so beautiful out. I just called it quits. I won't do it. My wonderful husband is making me red hot dogs on the grill and Velveeta. (I was having a craving) And I am going to relax now. Try to lower my blood pressure a bit. Tonight is my first night without BC so come on Auntie FLOW!!! I want to get this freak show on the road! I can't imagine what stims will do to me at this point...Oh yes that's right the same thing they have for almost three years now. YUCK. I can't believe its been almost three years of this shit with still no baby in our arms. Sometimes I can't make sense of God's Plan...Its these times where I need to take a deep breath and remember he does have a plan...he does have a plan...

Update #2

Okay spoke to the Doc today. He said there were multiple polyps, but his opinion is that the large dark spot we saw on sonogram was a "sort of polyp". It was coming out of the uterine wall not the lining and it had no "neck" like the polyps usually have. He said it was really a wide thick adhesion of sorts. He sent it all out to pathology. We will have the results around tuesday. Then I will get to see the photos of my uterus from the inside. He said a normal lining looks litke a smooth ripling surface. Mine looked like wads of cauliflower. Hmmm Interesting.

I am not going to worry myself over something I dont know I have to be worried about yet.

So....Dr P at Boston IVF has left me a voicemail to say as soon as I get my period after this procedure I can start stims. That is in a week and a half!!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY