Life and Death

Today I was blessed to be a Doula and friend to a beautiful woman. Her family has been through so much. She had a little boy. He is absolutely perfect in every way. I was overjoyed for them.

I live in a place between life and death. I work in the business of life and death. I understand the two exist concurrently and not to take away from each other. Today I feel both joy for those who lived and utter debilitation for he who did not.

Tonight as I sit here and come down from the day I am washed over by a wave of sadness. I ache for Miles tonight. I am desperate to hold him in my arms again. This time I want him to be breathing for his heart to beat.

In school today (Nursing school, BSN, I am a senior) we held a death cafe. We discussed death and Miles was spoken about. He entered the room in a way he hadn't in a while.

I want to scream, GIVE ME BACK MY BABY. I know I will see him again one day. I also know nothing separates me from him for eternity then.

UPDATE

I wanted to let any followers know... Unfortunately i lost my son Miles Thomas Lydon after a fatal diagnosis of IUGR due to placental insufficiency. He stopped growing and passed away after a week of home bed rest and a week of hospital bed rest on October 22 2015 I delivered him stillborn on 10 23 2015 at 537 am. He was perfect in every way. Just tiny. My tiny soldier. I miss him so much it is gut wrenching.