Its gone...

I think maybe i'm just realizing I am not pregnant. The hopes for that baby I was carrying are gone. Some days, most days, I wish I could float up to heaven and hold my angel babies. Meet them see them and smell them. Just to have a memory of who they are. I hate this. I cannot wait to get tested and get results to find out what we can do next time... if God lets us have a next time. I want to be pregnant again.

Progestrone Battle

On Friday the 27th my numbers only rose from 103 to 114.... Devistating. I had them check my progestrone... 3.0 I NEED SUPPLEMENTS!!!! My dr said to call an OB that they would need to advise me considering my history. The OB at the first hospital said in order to be prescribed prometrium I would need to have 3 miscairages and I only have suffered 2... I wanted to kill someone. I am sorry, let me get this straight. I am telling you my history and nessesity for my baby to grow needing progestrone supps and your telling me it has to die to get them?!?! I called another hospital, Jack's hospital further from home and asked for the same thing. They remembered my name were very timely ( bad hospital tok 5 hours to get back to me, they got back within the hour) and they said they didnt want to until next week because it is trending like an eptopic and they dont want to mask an eptopic. I said ok numbers again monday then supps. I had a nagging feeling inside though that I needed these on board ASAP. I went to the ER at 730pm complaining of the left sided cramping I had...exagerating a bit. And they did an US 5 hours later and ruled out eptopic at this point. I called forst thing saturday morning to the good hospital and on call widwife sent in the prescription right away. I took two vaginal supps yesterday and one a night from now on... we will see. I don't know if things will work out but ive seen a lot of stories which they do. I have faith and hope. I want this baby so badly.

3rd miscairrage

We lost the baby. I brought the tiisue I passed to the hospital for testing and will be following up our third miscairrage with lots of different testings. I hope this loss results in answers and the hope for a succesful future pregnancy.

Monday morning woes

Okay it is Monday. I felt like today would never come. Part of me wished it wouldn't. I have been on progestrone for 2 days and need to have higher doubled numbers today. I took a test saturday morning, sunday mornings was def darker. I felt great about that. Then this morning it looked lighter. I am still having light cramping/ soreness. I am now completely consumed and going crazy. I go to get my blood drawn again at 9:30am. I have been praying every second since the positive test. There have been two many weird signs for this not to work out...I will be devistated.

HCG Quant 2

Wednesday July 25th: I went to the Dr again got blood drawn heard back at noon... quant was 103... after 48hours. Heart dropped into stomach. I hate this. This sucks. She said it may be just too early 1-3 weeks along to be able to see doubling. but I dont know if I buy that. I have to go in again Friday to see numbers... I will die before then. Has anyone had this issue and seen a healthy term prengnacy come from it? (((1 hour later))) Okay I was just talked down off a ledge by the best nurse and friend ever. She reassured me I know my body better than anyone and I think I implanted fridayish. And if that is the case I am 1 week pregnant in which case my numbers are great and wouldn't be doubling yet. So I will see them again Friday and pray until then. I need an icecream...LOL

HCG quant 1

Monday July 23: I went to my Primary's office and got blood drawn... It took them all day to call me back. They finally did and said quant is 83. They think I am possibly 4 weeks along. They want me to go in for repeat quant Wednesday. I feel good about this number because I feel like the dizziness was implantation Friday and so it is low but probably because I JUST got pregnant. I allowed myself to have a conversation with my husband about where the baby would go... I don't want to know the sex... what Dr what hospital?? Ugghh now I feel Jinxy.

YOUR KIDDING?!?!?!

I woke up Friday dizzy... And thought to myself I've only ever woken up dizzy when I have been pregnant. I put the thought out of my mind. How could that be?! We tried for 3 years and on treatments and accomplished two pregnancies one we lost and the other we lost a twin. Now all of a sudden I am just pregnant out of nowhere??? I can't be excited ...if I get excited I will lose the baby... I shouldn't even call it a baby yet... sh*t I am already attached to my little fuzzy walnut baby in there. I tested in the afternoon faint faint positive. I woke up Saturday morning and peed in a cup then snuck out "to the bank" (cough dollar tree) and tested in their parking lot LOL. Faint positive. Stopped at hannaford got expensive test... Brighter positive then dollar tree. I get home and grab my beautiful son out of my husbands arms as he asks me where I have been. I say we have a secret and we are not sure we want to share it... He says what? I say Jack is going to be a big brother!! He and I are both in shock that we concieved naturally and scared at the same time that it won't last. I have not found out a specific reason for my losses or preterm labor so there is no precautions I can take... I am helpless.