Thursday, December 29, 2011

Reflection and pictures

I am sort of working backwards with the pictures here but they are all of my little man.

This is my favorite picture of our best gift under our tree. It made my whole year to have him home for Christmas. This was the first year my heart didn't ache to have a child with me on Christmas. It was bittersweet because I wish I had all my children with me... This brings me to the thing I have been thinking about lately. His twin. I grieved my first loss fully, but when we lost Jack's twin I put aside the grief because I was so afraid he wouldn't make it through if I fell apart. So I really haven't grieved that loss, nor do I feel I have fully aknowleged that life. I named our first baby loss and I haven't named Jack's twin. I feel like if I give the twin a name then I can fully grieve the loss and move forward.

I had a few photo shoots once we were home as you can tell. He is the best gift I have ever recieved and I wanted to capture that forever.

He makes little goat noises all day it is so cute.

These are his amazing Godparents. We love them so much and we know he will too. I was so blessed and overjoyed to share the most amazing experience of my life with her. She has been my best friend since I was 5 years old... talk about truly knowing someone and being truly close with a person... I feel closer to her than to my own family. It was an opportunity I will never forget to share that with her.

And to see Nate holding my son with her makes me so excited to see them holding their own baby some day.

Our Family


My Labor shot... my favorite nurse Kaitlyn!!! She was amazing!

My NICU baby.

The second time holding him... first time I could enjoy it fully.

His first photo... He has changed so much already.

I am so in love. So grateful to God. So amazed.


  1. What amazing pictures! My favorite is of your sweet family!!! Welcome Jack!!! :)

  2. What a wonderful Christmas present to have him home! He is so handsome... Congratulations again.

  3. He is SooooOOOO beautiful! Bless your new little family! :)

  4. Beautiful pictures and a beautiful family! I'm sorry you have lost babies, I can't even imagine what that must be like. You will grieve and comes to terms in your own time =) Thank you for stopping by my blog and I wanted to answer some of the questions you asked. First of all, great job on keeping up the pumping, I know how quick that can wear you out, but it's so great for Jack! Keep in mind that everyone is different, but this is what I would suggest because it worked for me: It's so important in the first 2 months or so not to miss a feeding at all. I would suggest even pumping at least once in the middle of the night to up your supply if you're not nursing him during that time. I would give Gracie a bottle sometimes because the pain of breastfeeding was too much for me, but when my husband would feed her a bottle, I would pump just to not miss a feeding. The pump is not going to be as great at keeping up your supply as nursing will, so keep working towards nursing and that will help as well. If you have a really good pump though, then I'm sure it will keep up well. Before I went back to work, I would feed Gracie, then pump right after that, basically telling my body to make more. It's all supply and demand so you need to make sure the demand is there. The downside is that is that I had SO much milk it came out a little too fast for her at first. I only did the pumping after feeding for about a week or two just to create the demand and after that I only pumped after the first morning feeding, and right before I went to bed. Also, make sure you drink PLENTY of water, like double what you think you need. I can literally see my boobs inflate when I drink water, haha. Once you're aware of how much he is eating today and how much you are able to pump, you can probably drop that night pumping session. I dropped mine at about 2 months. And I dropped all pumping (except while at work) at about 4 or 5 months. I hope this all makes sense and if you have any questions e-mail me at and I'll be happy to try and help =) But remember that you are doing a great job and if your supply still isn't able to keep up then he still got about 2 weeks worth and that's great! I was always so worried about my supply and stressed many nights over it =)

  5. So glad you are home! What a sweet beautiful miracle baby who just couldn't wait to meet the world! Wish you all the best!