Sunday, September 26, 2010


We are losing the baby. I got the call last wednesday at work that my numbers werent doubling and she thought i had an eptopic pregnancy or would miscarry. I had to go in for B/W and U/S and they said they saw something in my uterus that is abnormal and the size of someone with 1500 HCG when i only have 300, makes her think it could possibly be molar or partially molar. Which is cancerous cells and makes me nervous and scared. I dont want to have to do chemo to clean my blood, and i definately dont want to have to wait a year to try again. Although we decided to take the rest of the year off to enjoy our favorite seasons.
I dont want to see anyone or go anywhere but i dont want to be alone, i want to sleep for a long time and wake up better. I cant believe I was so happy for such a short period of time. I am thankful though that i didnt see a baby on an ultrasound or hear a heartbeat or hold my baby just to lose it. I thank god for the grace of not hurting worse than i already do. Heartbroken makes since now. I litterally feel like someone took a chisel to my heart and took a chunk off.
D&C Tuesday if i dont miscarry on my own before tuesday. I pray for strength.


  1. I am soo sorry to hear the news. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I know its rough..I can actually relate to what your going thru because I went thru the same thing just a couple short months ago (in July). I didn't see anything on my ultrasound either and I'm very glad I didn' would have made the experience that much more difficult. Thinking of you....

  2. Sending up abundant prayers on your behalf, dear. Lord love you, child. ♥

    (I went through a miscarriage at 5 months between the pregnancies of my two sons... that was 29 years ago.)

    Visiting via Melanie's Country Roads.

  3. I came over from Melanie's blog. I'm to hear about this. I' can't imagine what you must be going through. You'll be in my prayers today.