So I had a D&C on Tuesday. Probably the most terrible thing i have ever gone through. I got put to sleep pregnant and woke up empty. I was coming out of the anesthesia and I just couldnt stop crying. Everything was fuzzy and confused but all I knew was i was empty. What had been there whether it was a "normal" or "abnormal" pregnancy was all gone now. I wanted my husband. I wanted him to hold me. And to give me another baby. I was so terribly heartbroken.
Then the past 2 days i have been working my part time from home sewing job to bring in some sort of paycheck, and i have kept myself sooooo busy. I actually feel like ive litterally been in a fog the past two days. Now i just sat down after tidying up and bawled my eyes out. I am so sad all over again. I feel like i am just now coming off the anesthesia and i feel like a shell. I am empty.
I will never know that baby, never name that baby, never hold or kiss that baby. I cant imagine it.