Nervous

I had a good day. I spent some good time shopping (with other people's money) for work decorations. Good conversation was had, and IVF was discussed....

I realized on the drive home HOPE has embedded itself into my heart and soul, it came by and cuddled in. Before you know it all my conversations about the upcoming cycle leaves my inside thoughts saying we are going to have a baby.

Then I realize along with allowing myself to hope and dream of a pink baby bundle comes the possibility of being let down again. (yep were back there again). Or getting the BFP again and heaven forbid (KNOCK on wood) it doesn't last again.

Ugghh I want to let myself just hope and be excited and let the proverbial chips fall. BUT I so desperately don't want to be hurt.

Dear God,
Please allow our babies to come into our lives now, let this be the time.


OH YAH and the weirdest thing happened...that I am choosing to take as a good sign about the upcoming IVF cycle. I was walking through the Christmas tree shops and i got in line to checkout and right there in line was a reusable bag i was checking the price and noticed the tag says "Kate & Carly"... Carly is my DH's childhood friend (and girlfriend) who passed away in a car accident when he moved to Maine back in 2000. She came to me in a reading by a medium and said she is with Jason all day, watching over him and keeping him company. This was right before the BFP ( they said I was pregnant during the reading) and we talked about naming a baby girl after her by her middle name being Carly. When I say my prayers at night I also ask Carly to keep Kayden company up there. So I think this is a good sign...