UPDATE

I wanted to let any followers know... Unfortunately i lost my son Miles Thomas Lydon after a fatal diagnosis of IUGR due to placental insufficiency. He stopped growing and passed away after a week of home bed rest and a week of hospital bed rest on October 22 2015 I delivered him stillborn on 10 23 2015 at 537 am. He was perfect in every way. Just tiny. My tiny soldier. I miss him so much it is gut wrenching.

Here I am a day away from 12 weeks. This feels like such a big milestone for me being pregnant after loss and infertility. It does not however feel as though I am out of the woods. I will probably hold my breath until I hold my baby but I do feel good. I have never had a "normal" pregnancy and SO FAR...knock on wood...this one has been. I am trying to overcome my feelings of jinxing the pregnancy and starting to get Jack's clothes and baby things up from the basement and washed before my fall semester begins. These are my first nursing classes and I am excited for them. I will be in my last few weeks at finals and giving birth the first few weeks of my first semester of clinicals. It will be crazy but I think I can do it as long as I can hold off preterm labor this time.

Nest week I have my 12 week screening ultrasound. I can't wait to get a peek inside.

11 weeks

I am 11 weeks 3 days. Everything is still going well,  "normal". I listen on my home doppler and get 167-180 heart rate. The nausea has subsided for the most part thank goodness. I swear i feel movements...I probably just have gas....lol.  I have an ultrasound next Friday. I am really looking forward to that.

Could this be normal?

The ultrasound had gone well. Baby had a heartbeat  and was measuring 6w4d. I will be 9 weeks this Monday. I am super nauseous all the time and my boobs are killing me. So life is great :) No cramping or bleeding! This feels like maybe what normal people during normal pregnancies probably feel like. IT IS NUTS! I am so very blessed!

Worship

I am surrounding myself with positivity, worship songs and prayer today as I prepare to see my baby for the first time tomorrow at 1230.  If you pray, say a prayer that there is strong healthy growth and heartbeat. If you don't pray send good vibes or light a candle or think positive thoughts for us.

I keep picturing the heartbeat. I will think this into reality.

Anxiety

For the most part I have been doing so good controlling myself to be positive in thoughts and speech. This Monday however, I had my first ever anxiety attack. I couldn't catch my breath. I busted out the maternity clothes last weekend and although we haven't told my son the news yet he has been asking for a baby sister all weekend. I think I started feeling this pressure of is this really happening?!? The blood work was three eeks ago and besides symptoms that could be caused by the progesterone I am feeling good. It made me question is there really a baby growing in there? That may sound silly but with my history I am afraid that I am living this life and it will all crash down around me when I see no heartbeat.

That was my fear talking. I have to trust in this baby. I woke up yesterday super nauseous (ask and you shall receive). I also moved up my ultrasound to this Friday. I will be 7wk 2 days.

I need to see my baby with a healthy heartbeat.

6 weeks 4 days Blessed

My second beta was 375 after 48 hours. That more than doubled. My midwife was happy with that and together we decided to stop blood work there. I became a ball of stress between draws and didn't want that for my body with the baby being in there. I am trying to pray often and visualize progress and healthy growth. My breasts are very sore all the time, I am very tired all the time, and I have had a few nauseous moments. I am taking those all as really good signs. I have had some growing pains and some achiness but no cramps or spotting.

The next step in my process is an ultrasound that they won't do until 8 weeks so 2 weeks to go. I am really anxious for that day to get here. I am feeling like everything is going well, but there of course is some second guessing or nervousness after IF and recurrent pregnancy loss.  I would be absolutely devastated if in 2 weeks my ultrasound does not show a healthy baby with a healthy heartbeat.

I wonder if any of you out there got the growth bloating abdominal discomfort with pants the second time around? I feel like this didn't happen until 12 weeks or so with Jack but I am already slipping into leggings and my preggo pants this time at 6 weeks.

I am a little worried about where I am at with my weight right now. I want to do my 21 day fix workouts but I am paranoid that I will cause a miscarriage. I am trying to eat healthy and failing at times. I am trying to get all my water in and mostly succeeding.

Nursing school is full tilt right now so that is a nice distraction and making the weeks fly. I will try to keep updating as often as possible.


All I can picture is the baby from my dream last year...Is this Miles? Check out my blog post from 7/14.

 I can see a difference.

I got my first beta drawn Tuesday and it was 128. I feel good about that number because mine were always lower than that. I do realize it is still kind of a low beta. I am waiting all day now to hear back on my repeat draw today. I am praying every minute of the day for a healthy growing baby in there.

DOUBLE DOUBLE DOUBLE DOUBLE!!!!!!

I have had a metallic taste in the mornings the last couple days and some growing round ligament pain and pain in the breasts but more of a shooting pain not a soreness.

I am eating healthy getting plenty of water in, and resting when I can. I am on 200 mg progesterone suppository per day. I am doing everything I possibly can to sustain this baby. This is pregnancy number 5...I am hoping it is baby number 2.

Digital

I have been pregnant three times since Jack was born in 2011. They were natural conceptions and the last two ended in early miscarriage. Now we know we need progesterone suppositories right away to help sustain pregnancy. The scary thing is, I have not carried a pregnancy to term ever. Jack's water broke at 30 weeks and every other pregnancy has ended before 8 weeks. I am unsure if it is just needed progesterone or if their are other deficiencies that put my babies at risk.

 As soon as I get good hcg numbers back I will make a high risk appointment to see if their is anything I can do to stay pregnant to term. I am avoiding caffeine, eating as healthy as possible, getting lots of water in every day and napping when I need to. That being said I am a mom of a three and a half year old and in school full time for nursing. I am slacking on my studies this weekend out of sheer distraction and exhaustion, which seems to be my only symptom so far. Not being nauseous or having sore boobs makes me nervous. I am trying to trust and believe in my body and God's hand in my life. 

The milestone of the day was getting a positive digital test. I took a cheapie test Friday and

it was positive. I naturally (haha) went out to get another stick to pee on...digital test and it was negative. I comforted myself with the fact that the cheapie reads 25mui and the digital reads 50mui.  Saturday the cheapie test was darker yay!!!!!!! Today I took the other digital and it was....positive!!!!!!! I am finding comfort that my levels must have doubled in 24 hr for it to now be positive. I get blood drawn tomorrow and Thursday to watch levels. 

I am so excited at the thought that my son may actually have a sibling to grow up alongside. I am so happy I may be able to experience this all over again. I am excited for birth and baby kicks and breastfeeding and newborn noises and smells. All of this excitement makes me so anxious and nervous to lose the baby. I am trying to be zen with those feelings and not let stress sit in my body. let the thoughts come and then pass. 

Pregnant

I did the 21 day fix in April. I lost ten pounds and lots of inches. I had been on Birth control for a few months. I was accepted into the nursing program at my school and getting ready to start clinical this spring. I haven't been as dedicated this past month and I missed the first pills of my bc pack so I didn't take it. I took a test this morning and I am pregnant.

I cannot believe after years of trying and 4 miscarriages and a premature birth I would get pregnant from missing a few pills. Ironic I suppose. It just proves that God's timing is not my own. That being said I am nothing but grateful.....and terrified.

I started my progesterone today. I am hoping to get two HCG quants next week. As long as those are normal I want to then just be trusting and not do anymore. Just the normal dating ultrasound and biophysical profile.

I pray I make it that far.