A few bullet updates During the busy holiday season!

Jason would K-I-L-L me if he knew I put this up here buuuut (and such a cute butt) it is too funny to pass over. He was getting Jack into the tub when he realized his son was urinating on him HAHAHAHAHAHA. This is how things have been lately the good the bad and the laugh til you pee on daddy. 

I got my sewing machine back out recently and made my first pillow case dress for my god daughter. It was some very special fabric I could not find a way to use and I am so glad to have made something from it. 

This is Jack opening presents at our friends Christmas party this year with his girlie Grace. 

She is such a good present unwrapping helper (like I was when I was little) Thanks Gracie!

Danielle made the girls sleepover packs in a duffle bag with cookie mix, frosting, hot cocoa, movie, books, blankie, doll ect. I LOVE THIS IDEA!!!!

Jack is LOVING tubby time in his new tub seat...and needs a haircut! LOL

My sis in laws and Jack and his cousins Ethan and Jake. We had a GREAT Christmas this year...no drama...no fuss. It was much needed. 

 

My sister and her Girlfriend Joanna and I have a blast together. I love them and they made my Christmas perfect. I am so happy my sister has someone who makes her happy and grounds her. 

Jacks newest milestones are that he pulls to standing and couch walks now all the time. kneels to play too!!!

AAaaaand feeds himself real food!!!! We struggled with a HUGE gag reflex issue and I didn't think we would ever see this so it was a big mommy moment for me.

Jason totaled our car last week. He wasn't injured by the grace of God but we are in a bit of a rough place trying to trade in our truck for a more family centered vehicle and get him a cheap safe reliable car to drive to work all at once. But I think we found the trade in family car today STAY POSTED....pictures are coming this week once the deal goes through...Her name is "Minnie". ;)

ONE

Okay all, I am trying to focus on returning to bloggyland.  So for now here is an update in bullet points.

• Jack is ONE! I cannot believe how fast the time has flown.  I will do a photo post of his big bash as soon as I get the pictures. 
• I have had my daycare for about a year now and think I finally have my head wrapped around how to work out all the kinks in my business and have a plan to do so for a way to start the new year fresh.
• My marriage is stronger than ever.
• My PCOS had seemed when stopping breast feeding to have gone away for the most part but after getting pregnant and miscarrying again i am back to no periods and questioning pregnancy and or ovulation every other day. Lovely. 
• I am about to start a med/exercise/eating regimen that I am hoping helps with all of that.
• I found a wonderful church we all are loving!!! It has made the largest most positive impact on my life. 
• I am going to be a Godmother again in April and I am beyond excited. It is my BFF's baby girl Amelia Kate ( after me and her momma EEEK (holding back excitement) !
• I am rededicating myself to blogging because it is such a great outlet for me and community. I hope I didn't lose all of my followers from being MIA so long. Mommyhood has brought me so much joy and kept me off the charts busy but I still have my struggle with infertility and pregnancy loss. and would like to still serve that community as I can. 

Thanks all who are still reading me on their feeds. I am BACK!!

It's going to be a very Pinteresting Christmas

I always do pretty much DIY Christmas gifts. As I was reading Ladies Home Journal the other day I came across an article on gifting for Christmas. Trying to find ways to simplify those less important things in life like thinking of the perfect gift for someone to be able to have more time to spend building memories and traditions like tree cutting & snowman making. (the more importnant things) The article said simplify by giving them what you know they want..

So I thought to myself... Self... wouldn't it be nice if there was an online forum to find out what sort of crafts people wanted on an individual basis? Helllooo Pinterest!!!

It's going to be a very Pinterest-ing Christmas!

I am going to get my DIY inspiration from people's Pinterest boards for their Christmas gifts.  SO FRIENDS ON PINTEREST... Load up those up those boards now or forever hold your peace.

Here goes nothin'.

I officially am the mother of a 9 month old. I really never thought the day would come that I would say that. He is amazing and very close to sitting up on his own. My very thoughtful amazing sister helped Jack make his first finger painting the other day. We framed it. I am in love with it.

Here he is at 9 months (75th percentile ...preemie who?)

So above is best pic I could get Below was what I was working with haha

Latest craft with the kiddos  Indian Corn!!

I'm Back

I am starting back up with my bloging. I have missed this outlet and now I have family in FLORIDA to keep in the know with our lives. This is how I am going to do it. Jack had pneumonia and bronchialitis last week. We were admitted for 2 days and it took 7 years off my life to see him be put through that poing and prodding. IVs and Deep suction are his enemy. I never want to see or hear him cry and shake like that again. Now we are home and he is doing much better. My little preemie does hold on to the upper respatory stuff a bit longer than normal. So he sounds junky still but he is feeling himself, Laughing and being a goofus. Jason and I are in a good groove with parenting now. I recently started to make some "me" time to workout when he gets home. And he makes his gym time in the morning. I think the biggest thing that has bothered me is when he gets home from work he does domething immediately for him. Whether it be shower, wash a vehicle, grab a snack or what not. I am always like ok thanks for checking in with me and Jack and seeing if he needs you or I need a break... And I DO need a break haha. But after talking to my PCP yesterday she had a completely new view on it. The men, dads, need an outlet and once they have done that thing they need to do they are good to help out. If we just let it happen then appreciate them jumping in after they stay happy and helpful and if we jump on them for their thing they do then they dont want to help. I am going to try to live by this for a while and see if this makes a difference because as she reminded me as husband and wife, mom and dad, we both feel like out "list" is much longer than the others when it comes to the things we do. It is all perspective. Jack is almost 9 months old. 2 weeks ago.....during shark week.... he started cutting his first tooth!! My little hammerhead :) But now he has his front two bottom teeth in a little sliver, they aren't fully up yet. SO EXCITING. School starts up again tomorrow so back into the swing of things with daycare. Summer is fun and crazy and tiring haha but now that school is starting up I will be able to focus on a project/lesson for my little ones during the day. I am very excited for this. Alright I know it is all over the place but... it is out of my head now ! Yay.

Its gone...

I think maybe i'm just realizing I am not pregnant. The hopes for that baby I was carrying are gone. Some days, most days, I wish I could float up to heaven and hold my angel babies. Meet them see them and smell them. Just to have a memory of who they are. I hate this. I cannot wait to get tested and get results to find out what we can do next time... if God lets us have a next time. I want to be pregnant again.

Progestrone Battle

On Friday the 27th my numbers only rose from 103 to 114.... Devistating. I had them check my progestrone... 3.0 I NEED SUPPLEMENTS!!!! My dr said to call an OB that they would need to advise me considering my history. The OB at the first hospital said in order to be prescribed prometrium I would need to have 3 miscairages and I only have suffered 2... I wanted to kill someone. I am sorry, let me get this straight. I am telling you my history and nessesity for my baby to grow needing progestrone supps and your telling me it has to die to get them?!?! I called another hospital, Jack's hospital further from home and asked for the same thing. They remembered my name were very timely ( bad hospital tok 5 hours to get back to me, they got back within the hour) and they said they didnt want to until next week because it is trending like an eptopic and they dont want to mask an eptopic. I said ok numbers again monday then supps. I had a nagging feeling inside though that I needed these on board ASAP. I went to the ER at 730pm complaining of the left sided cramping I had...exagerating a bit. And they did an US 5 hours later and ruled out eptopic at this point. I called forst thing saturday morning to the good hospital and on call widwife sent in the prescription right away. I took two vaginal supps yesterday and one a night from now on... we will see. I don't know if things will work out but ive seen a lot of stories which they do. I have faith and hope. I want this baby so badly.

3rd miscairrage

We lost the baby. I brought the tiisue I passed to the hospital for testing and will be following up our third miscairrage with lots of different testings. I hope this loss results in answers and the hope for a succesful future pregnancy.

Monday morning woes

Okay it is Monday. I felt like today would never come. Part of me wished it wouldn't. I have been on progestrone for 2 days and need to have higher doubled numbers today. I took a test saturday morning, sunday mornings was def darker. I felt great about that. Then this morning it looked lighter. I am still having light cramping/ soreness. I am now completely consumed and going crazy. I go to get my blood drawn again at 9:30am. I have been praying every second since the positive test. There have been two many weird signs for this not to work out...I will be devistated.

HCG Quant 2

Wednesday July 25th: I went to the Dr again got blood drawn heard back at noon... quant was 103... after 48hours. Heart dropped into stomach. I hate this. This sucks. She said it may be just too early 1-3 weeks along to be able to see doubling. but I dont know if I buy that. I have to go in again Friday to see numbers... I will die before then. Has anyone had this issue and seen a healthy term prengnacy come from it? (((1 hour later))) Okay I was just talked down off a ledge by the best nurse and friend ever. She reassured me I know my body better than anyone and I think I implanted fridayish. And if that is the case I am 1 week pregnant in which case my numbers are great and wouldn't be doubling yet. So I will see them again Friday and pray until then. I need an icecream...LOL

HCG quant 1

Monday July 23: I went to my Primary's office and got blood drawn... It took them all day to call me back. They finally did and said quant is 83. They think I am possibly 4 weeks along. They want me to go in for repeat quant Wednesday. I feel good about this number because I feel like the dizziness was implantation Friday and so it is low but probably because I JUST got pregnant. I allowed myself to have a conversation with my husband about where the baby would go... I don't want to know the sex... what Dr what hospital?? Ugghh now I feel Jinxy.

YOUR KIDDING?!?!?!

I woke up Friday dizzy... And thought to myself I've only ever woken up dizzy when I have been pregnant. I put the thought out of my mind. How could that be?! We tried for 3 years and on treatments and accomplished two pregnancies one we lost and the other we lost a twin. Now all of a sudden I am just pregnant out of nowhere??? I can't be excited ...if I get excited I will lose the baby... I shouldn't even call it a baby yet... sh*t I am already attached to my little fuzzy walnut baby in there. I tested in the afternoon faint faint positive. I woke up Saturday morning and peed in a cup then snuck out "to the bank" (cough dollar tree) and tested in their parking lot LOL. Faint positive. Stopped at hannaford got expensive test... Brighter positive then dollar tree. I get home and grab my beautiful son out of my husbands arms as he asks me where I have been. I say we have a secret and we are not sure we want to share it... He says what? I say Jack is going to be a big brother!! He and I are both in shock that we concieved naturally and scared at the same time that it won't last. I have not found out a specific reason for my losses or preterm labor so there is no precautions I can take... I am helpless.

Big Milestones

So it was my BFF's b-day celebration Saturday night and that means Jack's first overnight at Grammy's house. Dropping him off was harder than I thought. It made me sad... another milestone that means the time is flying by and he is getting so big. He smiles at me now but not on command and not all the time. he is starting to gain more head control but still not a ton. He will be 11 weeks old on Thursday. OMG where has the time gone??

He has a cold with a sad little cough now. So I was a bit nervous to leave him even though he is back to acting like himself. I was the most sad or nervous that he would get all bottle feedings of BM and it was like 5 feedings...where he only ever gets one bottle a day. He did end up having a great time but he didn't take the last two feeding fully and I know it is because he missed the breast feedings.

In the end he had a good time and we did too. It was a very needed night out and full night's sleep. Today the big milestone was his first day napping in his crib. He slept so well and I got so much done!!

Surprised

If one thing has surprised me the most by the things people (family and friends) have said or felt it would be about breast feeding.

I have found that it makes most people uncomfortable. That surprises me. Even my husband is (against it) uncomfortable with it in public. Everyone thinks it's great in the privacy of my home but when it comes to visiting people or going out in public that's poo pooed.

Back in the day this is how everyone fed their babies. If they didn't breast feed their baby starved. This is what our bodies are made specifically for.

When did this become so taboo???

Update (MAC)

THANK YOU MAC for the response on the Nosefrida snot sucker nasal aspirator. I ordered it with 2 day shipping so stay posted on how it works for us. I have high hopes. I was using the bulb syringe but it doesn't work and takes a long time to get stuff out. HE HATES IT.


We are still sick and exhausted over here. But I swear in the midst of all the yuck he has changed so much. He sucked his thumb yesterday for the first time and has continued to do it today. He is HUGE to me. He looks like he wants to start talking so bad. I want him to start interacting so I can get to see that little personality shine... if he is anything like daddy he will be one funny little guy.

I have a friend who is going on month 8 of trying and is super discouraged that it isn't happening. I can relate to everything she is saying and I am trying to be there for her as much as possible. It brakes my heart to see her sad. I know how prayers can work so can we all rally and Please send prayers for her baby to come to her. xoxo

2 month photo

Bookclub, Baby and Boogers

Alright this post will probably be so super random but I have mush for a brain due to lack of sleep.

I started a book club. I call it "Not your mother's book club" which is ironic because my mom is in it. Hahaha I mainly started it because I miss reading and this will force me back into it. Also socializing doesn't really happen anymore so I invited all my friends. I am planning on us pulling a book from a hat every month after everyone puts in a suggestion. This month and next we are doing Hunger Games Series. We will be making food themed to the book we read the previous month and discussing the book. I am super pumped.

I feel like crap I have a cold and so does baby boy, also he just got his first rounds of shots Friday. :( needless to say I haven't gotten much sleep lately. He is also having trouble getting bubbles and gas out... Does anyone have history using Gripe Water?? Does it work and do you need to check with your Dr before using?

Is there a better way to get his boogies out?? He has a wicked rattle of boogers but they don't suck out well and he HATES it when I do it. Please someone give me the miracle cure LOL.


Well my little guy is 2 months old. I cannot believe it. Time is flying by so fast. I took his 2 month photo with WILMUR his moose. I will put it up later. Gotta go hold the peanut boy.

Breast feeding and supply

Well breast feeding is going great now. He feeds well. It is still sore when I latch him and let down but the rest of the feeding is pretty pleasant. I love looking at him while he is nursing and play with his toes and hands. It is such a wonderful feeling to nourish him with just myself. It feels rewarding that my body is doing one thing correctly. But with PCOS it is a real threat to my supply, and I have had yeast issues.

So here is my new daily regiment I am on to support the supply!!!

250mg Grapefruit seed extract 3x a day ( anti infection to keep away yeast infections)

1 prenatal

Metformin ( regulates my sugars and hopefully will keep PCOS from affecting my supply and help with weight loss)

1200mg Lecithin 4x a day ( keeps away clogged ducts and mastitis)

1 acidophilus and biddifus (pro biotic to keep away yeast infections)

100mg b6

2ml More milk special blend 3x a day ( supply booster)

Yes it is a lot and it means remembering multiple pills 4x a day. But it is worth it I have only been doing it 3 days and already have seen a huge difference. My son only gets one bottle a day of breast milk and his poly vitamins ( for preemies) and I BF every feeding otherwise. I also was pumping twice in the morning and as needed in the afternoon... not at all at night and getting possibly 3-4oz all day I pumped once this morning and got 5oz. I just pumped again and got another 2... I feel more full and like I am filling quicker after he feeds. I have less breast pains now too.

I am so lucky to have a good supply since the beginning and the support to stick with it when it got rough.

** Last night was rough he was awake and fussy from 930-130 and I was awake with him. Every time I would get him to sleep and put him down he would wake back up and cry and fuss. I don't know if his tummy was bothering him or what. Today also NOT SO coincidentally

is the first day having my daycare kids back. I am exhausted thank goodness it was only my school aged kid today so I could nap for a bit mid day. NOT. He wouldn't allow that :)

1-23-12 Jack's Due Date

How crazy is it that it is my son's due date today. The son I birthed on
12-01-11. He is almost 9 weeks old and he should just be entering the world. I have noticed recently (bringing him around other babies his age) that he is acting just like a real newborn still. He doesn't hold his head up barely has started tracking voices and faces. Doesn't smile or laugh yet. Still sleeps away 22 hours of the day. Still eats every 2-3 hours. He is over 8lbs now I am sure. He is gorgeous as ever.






He is totally attached to me and only cries when he is hungry being changed or wants me to hold him. He sleeps better in my arms than anywhere else. He produces boogers like its his job, and hates the boogie suck, yes that's what I call it.

He is starting to enjoy baths and tummy time.

I reflected a lot today on how lucky we are to have him here healthy. I hate that I also felt sad because he is delayed 2 months and pray he has no other lasting effects from his very premature birth. I also was sad today for the loss of his twin. I hold him and imagine what he or she would look like. Would they look the same or would they favor their fathers looks? I miss my two babies in heaven. I wish I would be able to hold them even once...just to know them and have them feel my love for them. For them to experience the comfort Jack gets from sleeping on my chest. Lots of emotions today.

Update 6wk postpartum

So I had my 6wk follow up appointment today and I had a long list of questions I wanted answered.
At the top of my list was what was the mass they took from my uterus after delivery. This was a frustrating answer. They don't know... why don't they know? Because is isn't in any reports and they never sent it to pathology with my placenta. I COULD SCREAM. So I have to accept not ever knowing although my Dr suspects it was probably either his twin or a placental calcification.

Moving on to the good things. Breast feeding is getting better and more comfortable everyday. His latch is still painful but his preemie tiny mouth and my large nipples make it impossible to not have that right now. In a few months it should get better. The yeast is gone so they hope. I am staying on the GFS extract for the remainder of breast feeding to keep it away. YAY for no more purple faced baby!!

The other important advice I needed was about what to do about BC and regulation of my weight and PCOS symptoms now. The plan we came up with is to get back on metformin which will help me lose weight and also help keep my supply up. To go forward without any hormone BC and stick with condoms/ barrier method. And see in 4-6 months starting exercise slowly and staying close to my gestational diet ( low carb- high protein) .

I am looking forward to hopefully seeing my body change and go back to before treatment and PCOS days body wise.

Jack is 7lb 6oz this past Wednesday! He is eating well sleeping well. He still eats every three hours. I cannot wait to see a 5-6 hour stretch for my sleep lol.

He is perfect and I am so in love :)

6 week f/u

I have a lot of questions and hopefully some answers. I will update later.

Growing so fast

Jack is 6lb 14oz now!!! He would be 38 weeks tommorow, he is now 5 and a half weeks old. CRAZY

He enjoyed his swing for the first time today because he is just now big enough for it.
He is doing well nursing and that is the only time my yeast infection shows me pain now. He is latching well it's just that my nipples are so sensative bc of the yeast still. The gentian violet made him look like he is wearing purple lipstick.

I am starting a bookclub!!! So I can see friends and get into reading again. I am so pumped.

Results

Okay so yesterday it felt like I had shards of glass in my left breast and my nipples were so tender. I fed through it OWWW... and started Gentian Violet last night and Grapefruit seed extract capsuled with citricidal 250mg 3 times daily. Last night was rough. We were also having some feeding troubles. I was still using a contact shield and he would be so frustrated trying to latch hit the shield off and then I would have to put him down and get the shield back on. He would finally latch and suck a few times and fall asleep then i would finally say OK he must be done and pump off the rest and he would start rooting again and I would have to bottle feed him because I just emptied. It was frustrating to say the least with the pain of feeding him being excruciating and having him be hungry still with nothing left.

I finally got an hour of sleep. This morning I went to the Dr and it was feeling a bit better. She said no Mastitis... Yeast infection in both staying on Gentian Violet for 6 more days, and the GFS extract for the entire length of breastfeeding. I am really hoping this clears it up. Now that it is night time again I am getting more sore and tired and hope I can keep up the energy for positive relaxed feedings sans shield tonight. It is always more difficult on no sleep.

Besides all that I am loving finally being a mommy. Jack is so amazing. I don't know what I ever did without him. I am going to go cuddle him now.

Waiting on call back

I am in so much pain in my left breast. I can't help but cry...nursing is like knives... has anyone ever had mastitis? I have a call into my OB but I am wondering if thats what this is? Advice?

(still using contact sheild to nurse... was trying to wean...have done a few a day without)