Mild Hyperstimulation

So this mornings bloodwork went beautifully. Waiting for numbers on E2 and Progesterone. Ultrasound was super painful though. Lots of BIG BEAUTIFUL follies in there now. 20-30 she didnt do an exact count. All above 17 at this point some pretty big ones in there. I left work early and cancelled my day tommorow. I am already having discomfort and pain and dont want to overdo it before the retrieval. MONDAY is the definate retrieval now. woohoooo!!! Waiting for the OR coordinator to call to schedule it today. I am laying low until then. Hoping I dont get sick. Praying for this to work!

Heading

Heading for blood work and ultrasound...yes at 7am...have to work at 9 so I needed to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn today to see my follies...Not a bad way to wake up if you ask me. I will update you all later today!

Last stim shot hopefully!!!

Holy Poop! I can't believe tonight might already be my last stim shot. I am starting to bruise so I Don't Hate it!!! I may possibly give the trigger tommorow night then retrieve Monday!

I am getting super psyched for the retrieval. I have never done IVF before and have no idea the quality of my eggs, or our embryos. That is the most exciting/ nerve wracking part of this for me. I finally get to know what I am producing in there. And then hopefully have a better idea why it isnt working.

I have bw and us in the morning and then will get the call tommorow afternoon to find out for sure when to trigger. AHHHHH I have the shakes I have so much running through my veins and mind right now.

On the side effect end of things. Bad headaches and some nausea are starting to creep in. Yesterday I had dizziness and the only other time I can remember feeling that exact way was when I was pregnant with kayden (just implanting) and I am hoping it is just another sign from God that this is our time to finally have our family here with us on earth. ...Or it could be meds lol. Also I feel like I shoved Bocce Balls in my abdomen. I can feel my ovaries rubbing on all my other insides and it is so uncomfortable. Also at the point now of having a sharp pain here and there in the breasts and ovaries. I will take it if it brings me a baby(s).

Positive visualizing thoughts tonight for sure. Prayer welcome. <3

Pray for my cycle buddy Baby Hopes while your at it!!! Hope you are stimming away over there BH!! Thinking of you!

Positive thinking WORKS!!!

Dr P called, he is not worried about the mass. He says when people stim there tends to be activity in the endometrian. YAYAYAYAY!!!! I have bw and us Saturday morning and we will know for sure but he thinks i will trigger sat night and retrieval monday HOLY SH*T!!! and transfer thursday. OMGOMGOMG.


I am so excited, here is to all of you who said a little prayer for me, or gave me kind encouragement I appreciate you all so much!

More visualizations every night until the BPT...all the way!!!

FOLLICLES & Masses

Sorry for the sidewards pics. I went to the u/s and the negative news, of which I WILL NOT stress about until the dr says so is there is another mass in my uterus. Polyp or Fibroid IDK most likey polyp. I am waiting to hear if it affects me or the cycle. I have had 2 DNCs because of US like this and this one is double the size. Every time i start meds they grow like crazy.

On a Positive note... I had 14 measurable follicles from 12-21 ranging. YAY!!!!! I so hope this cycle isnt affected by the growth in my ute. But I also hope the embryos arent affected my it either when transfered.

These are the Whoppers!!!

Anticipation

Anticipation is always the absolute worst part. I just did it. And it didnt hurt any worse than when my DH does it. Its all the lead up to sticking myself thats all.

I am too excited to see whats going on in my lady business tommorow morning. My SIL is coming since she is really the only one who knows around here, and my DH has to work. Hopefully I will also find out when the retrieval will be. My boss has been bothering me to know what days I need off next week for the transfer and retrieval...And I don't Really know until I know. So it is making me anxious. But I cant let myself be stressed over anything, I need a nice calm home for the embinos!!!

In other news...One of my fav colleagues told me she had a dream someone at work was pregnant with twins. ( She had a dream when I got pregnant with Kayden that she saw 2 people having babies and my Office manager and I had just gotten preg and hadn't told) So that is sort of psyching me up!!! I am trying not to read into it though. I will take how ever many babies God wants me to have as long as I can be a mom.

I am feeling that Yearning, hope, sadness again. I want this so bad.
If you feel like it...Please pray for us. That if this is our perfect time, that our babies make it to earth this time.

Self injection nerves.

I am working until 8:30ish tonight. Ill be getting home just in time for my injection...only thing is my DH will be at a hockey game. This will be the day 5 of stims and the first I actually have to do myself. Lupron wasnt bad but this new concoction hurts like a B*tch going in and has a larger needle then before. I am nervous to do it on my own haha. Im being a baby I will suck it up.

Stim night 3!

I can tell I am responding already. I am very twingee in the ovarian region. And I can feel my ovaries and ute. I dont know how else to describe it it is uncomfortable to feel an organ, it is sensative and i am already bloating so my jeans are tight.





I have a b/w and u/s visit Thursday so we will see!!!!





I recieved 2 blog awards and am very excited and grateful and WILL post on them tommorow and hand them back out I PROMISE!!!





Quick shout out to my cycle bud Baby Hopes @ http://chasingourstork.blogspot.com/ if you feel compelled shoot her a positive vibe and or say a little prayer her cycle to bring a baby to fill her arms and heart!!

Oh My Emotions

I have been so emotional all day. My mom did the sweetest Adult treasure hunt for us today. It was a beautiful perfect Easter Day. Church was wonderful, more wonderful is that my husband went with me. Then dropped off a basket to my nephew, LOVE HIM! He is going through so much right now and I loved seeing him, and his eyes light up when he saw me walk in!

So we had a great Ham dinner then did the adult easter treasure hunt. My mom had this silly story printed up calling the bunny Matilda and sending us looking for eggs Labeled with the letters of her name for each couple (3 of them) and we all raced around the yard finding the labeled eggs in a spot that started with each letter of her name. We had to find them in order and show them to her before we moved on. M ailbox A shes T ire I rises L ion D oor and the forgetfull part was she forgot to do an A at the end lol. It was so so so much fun. I love my mom for doing fun things like that for me when she knows were are going through a lot right now.

So I was overly excited running around the yard, then cried at a show and reading a blog and was happy to recieve a used crib from family. And was all gung ho about getting it put together washed down and ready to touch up the paint. But seeing it in there makes me swallow hard "gulp".

Alrighty off to do my second night of stims!!!!

1st night of stims!

One down, probably 5-8 more to go. Mixing all the meds (menopur, lupron, follistim) is a pain and I felt like I was doing it wrong even though I know I wasn't.
My BFF had us over for a little birthday celebration for the DH. So sweet of her to do that for him, and for getting icecream cake for the IFers cycle LOL.

I had DH give me the first injection because the needles like twice the size as the one I have been using. It BURNS...it felt weird like there was sooo much med and it was pushing my insides out of the way to dig in. And probly TMI but I had wiked gas pain tonight (which I get during treatments) and it hurts so much like my ute and ovaries are alredy a bit swollen and sensative and the gas pushes against them and it really hurts bad.

So glad to have day one out of the way and be stimming finally. Now appointments until our first monitoring thursday. I will be usuing my visualization techniques I used when I got pregnant with Kayden. Tonight I will just picture my meds making there wat to me lady bits.

Baby Hopes had her first stims today too!!! So glad to have a cycle buddy!!!
Pray with us that this cycle gives us our BFP!!!!!

Bad day

I had a terrible day today. I started it off angry and hurt. Then at work it felt like nothing was going right or easy. And as I was walking out to the parking lot I realized I parked in a closer spot and had to turn around and walk all the way back. Crying at this point. So I call my husband and vent and realize the meds are finally getting to me. I had such an anxiety, anxiousness feeling about me today. I didn't think that Lupron alone could make me a crazy person. But a hormone is a hormone and with PCOS I have a lack of those all my life so pumping them into me makes me crazier than anything. I feel like jumping out of my skin. Then I got out of work just to come home and work my second job (part time sewing for a company) when it was so so so beautiful out. I just called it quits. I won't do it. My wonderful husband is making me red hot dogs on the grill and Velveeta. (I was having a craving) And I am going to relax now. Try to lower my blood pressure a bit. Tonight is my first night without BC so come on Auntie FLOW!!! I want to get this freak show on the road! I can't imagine what stims will do to me at this point...Oh yes that's right the same thing they have for almost three years now. YUCK. I can't believe its been almost three years of this shit with still no baby in our arms. Sometimes I can't make sense of God's Plan...Its these times where I need to take a deep breath and remember he does have a plan...he does have a plan...

OUCH!!!

Okay, maybe I was over thinking it tonight or maybe my belly was just sore but tonights Lupron injection HURT and bled. I didnt do it quick so I had to like push it through the skin Owwwwiiieee. Needless to say I think I need a break so Jason will be giving me my shot tommorow night. I am however excited that Sunday night will be my last bc pill...I am praying my period does a magic trick and comes on its own. Your prayers are welcome too!!! And if you are so inclined you could through in a "I hope this cycle gets this crazy infertile pregnant" prayer too!!! Hahahha

Blog Friends

I just have to say, I just read the comments left on my last post and remembered why I am here on the blogosphere. There is absolutely no support like the support of the amazing women here who have been through the trenches with me. I love you ladies even though we have never met. I am honored to be part of your journeys and have you part of mine. XOXO Thank you for being here and always saying the right things :)

Cycle started

Okay so I officially started my first ever IVF cycle yesterday night!! Woohooo! Lupron...I was nervous like oh Shit injections again!?!? But that Lupron needle is SOOOO tiny I barely felt it go in. And the Lupron didnt burn at all. That was exciting! I did learn a trick at my injection lesson to help with the burn though...After wiping with alcahol wipe wait a minute or two until your skin isnt shiny anymore then stick. Most of the reason is because the alcahol goes in too if you dont wait for it to dry. So thats the positive!! A little negative...having some issues with feeling like I always have been that person that goes above and beyond for everyone, always doing whatever to make it easier for other people, just because that is who I am its just my personality. And after we lost Kayden we decided to start focusing on us and reserving all that extra energy that went to everyone else for eachother. It has made our relationship much stronger with eachother, but we don't see anyone anymore. so I am left feeling like we aren't that important to the people who are so important to us. I know everyone has their own lives and schedules but it does make me sad that even though we went out of our way to go see poeple when it was easier for them now that we have been centered at home no one is going out of their way to see us. (I say no one but i do have a few people i am very close with in my life that I do see regularly).... Am I being a hormonal mess, bitter infertile, or what?!?! Also the thought does occur, and I know one of my bloggy buddies spoke on this earlier in the month, I am not part of the "I am a mom" crowd right now and am feeling a little ignored by those of my family and friends who are...WHEN I do become part of their club am I automatically going to hear from and see these people all the time because I turned MOMMY?? And will that be more hurtful then just not be included? Well vent over. Back to the positive fresh new start that this IVF cycle will hopefully bring. Thinking about my cycle buddy Baby Hopes every step of the way! And all of the other lovely ladies on their way to BFPs!!!

MEDS are in in a BIG way!

These are all the meds (medication luggage below lol)!!! Holy bags of needles Youch! I start Lupron on the 11th and stims on or around the 23rd. I am so pumped. Got this all set up in the nursery. I figured it was appropriate. I will be focused on positive thinking and imagining what is happening in my body and visualizing what should be happening as it hopefully is. Too excited for a fellow IFer Miss Mac and her BFP after IVF. It came as inspiration and hope for me. I have my journal and sign all set up next to my chair so I can spend a little time meditating after injections.

It is definately less stressful not having anyone know really besides a few friends, but also a bit isolating. I think it will help me stay centered. SO PUMPED come on BFP!!!

God is good

I feel very positive about our first IVF cycle. God has been sending me signs, messages, and directly speaking to my heart and situation at church. I am glad I have faith to hold onto in these uncertain times. Then the little voice inside that has been hurt so many times before is nervous.

Is it April...I couldn't tell....

Everything had been melting away. We had a few nice sunny cool but warmer than usual days. I had the dogs out on their runners which we all have desperately needed. Then I wake up on the first day of April and we have a Nor'easter...Not the Easter I would have liked to have this month. Grrrr. Worst part I lost power too. So I cleaned the house...picked up...waiting for the power to come back on because I have to work at three. Luckily I work at a Hotel so I was able to head in and shower at work before work...but to top everything off I had my work clothes (bra included) in the wash when the power went out! So I had to come real early to make sure they had time to dry here before my shift. So now I am eating lunch in a guest room waiting for them to dry. Then HI HO HI HO its off to work I go. I truly hope this is the last snow of the season. I NEED SUN and HEAT. On IVF news... I start Lupron on the 11th!!!!!! AHHHHHH I am so pumped!